I’ve decided to offer a naughty little promotion for my two sex comedy novels, Water Into Whine and Vicars and Tarts. Today is the end of one financial year and the beginning of the next, and my finances could certainly benefit with a boost. So I’m offering a little incentive if enough people purchase these two titles during the next month (ending 6 May).
The two books in question are a little on the smutty side, in fact they’re mind-bogglingly saucy and as explicit as it gets. But it’s all in good fun, with loads of laughs along the way. Ultimately, they’re feel-good stories. In Water Into Whine, the Grace family move to a rural village, where the unorthodox ministry of the local vicar, James Redders, and his wife Miriam raises more than eyebrows as they’re plunged into a wild world of sex and debauchery, but always with the utmost gentility.
In Vicars and Tarts, the Graces visit James and Miriam at his new posting on a Scottish island. Here they help him to win the favour of the reluctant locals, using their swinging antics to swing opinions as they tackle strict puritans, New Agers and a Satanist landowner. The results are as hot as they are hilarious.
So … if I can sell just 50 copies of these two books (either title counts as one sale; it’s two sales if you get both), I will have a souvenir photograph of myself taken down beside the sea, masquerading as a naughty vicar, wearing only spectacles, vicar teeth (as in the image below), a clerical collar, a pair of clown shoes and a wholly inadequate posing pouch. This photo will be posted on this blog for all to see and variously swoon over, drool over, vomit over or laugh at. Think of the high value: it should be good for blackmail purposes for years to come!
If I can sell 100 copies between these two titles, I will post half a dozen such photos on this blog in a whole range of most provocative poses.
If I can sell 150 copies you might be able to persuade me to keep my clothes on!
Just for the record, Kindle Unlimited borrows will count as a purchase, but in order to clock up the necessary number of pages read, the book(s) would need to be read between the qualifying dates (5 April – 6 May).
Also for the record, I don’t normally sell anywhere near 50 copies of my fiction titles in a single month, so if you want to see me all pouched up and pouting, you’ll really need to share the shit out of this post and scream and yell at all your friends to get their acts together and buy these two books so that you can get hot and bothered with my photo (or laugh till your jaw aches – your choice). So shout it out near and far, on Facebook and elsewhere. Twist arms and pinch fleshy appendages until your victims submit!
And here’s where you can get them:
Water Into Whine –
Vicars and Tarts –
So don’t delay, and in the meantime I’ll go and choose my posing pouch!